Smoking

i have been smoking for the past 3 or 4 years maybe , i have lying to my family my friends about not being a non smoker , being a student i am a man of limited resources and i fail to realize that i have been spending a fortune on smoking , i know smoking is bad , and i feel like smoking even while i am writing this article down , i have been addicted perhaps , i know its eventually gonna kill me , and i can see its effects already ruining my life ,i want to quit from right now , so i am saying that i will quit but i always fail, but this time i am going cold turkey , with the feeling in my heart that i can do it , i want to be active and fit like i used to be , i have had enough of this smoking crap , i don't care about the taunts from my peers , all i care about is me , me me me , from now on there is going to be only one thing , just living my life for me , not for the people or not for anybody else , i am currently a chain smoker who smokes around a couple of packs on a bad day or 15 of those merchants of deaths on a regular day , but i have given it a lot of thought and i am confident that i will be able to quit , i hope this cold turkey method works , i pray that it would , no more smoking for me
i have had enough , i pledge i will be a smoke free person from now on , may be i will find any other addiction to quit smoking maybe yogurt or ice cream or chocolates , because that won't hurt me , because i am skinny but whatever it comes up to be , its not gonna be fag

My days of smoking are over
and i am so glad that i am writing about it , it is going to be a huge thing for me , they say if you pursue a thing for 21 days , it becomes a habit , maybe i need to do just that and get out of that mess
i am so glad that i am gonna be smoke free and my lungs will regenerate


well , that's about now , i will keep updating things on my ever so lonely blog

take care :)

ANGRY

i am really angry right now , i don't know why , i want things to change , i feel powerless at times and that makes me sad , real sad ..like today i was trying to ride this bike but i failed i failed i failed , it made me so mad and i couldn't do anything about it , i am a grown man who should have all the abilities a perfect man is supposed to have , i mean its all the mediated T.V crap , they show you this perfect man who is able to do anything and everything , who gets all the good grades can ride bikes has a flaw less Greek God like body and is so good with his one liners that all the girls drool over him , everybody wants to be that guy , i have tried that thing obsessively but to no avail , i suck at different levels , at some things i am such a douche bag , but there are certain things in my life that i am pretty good at , but what the heck , i am not the best , i want to be like George Cloony , he seems perfect to me , i even love his pepper and salt hairstyle , that guy is like the epitome of perfect for me , he is all dreamy , not only me but there are millions of people all around the world who love him , and sometimes i feel not even a single soul loves me , i am no emo ,don't get the wrong idea , i am just kinda depressed that he gets all the things that i want and i don't ..
   So the question being asked here is
how to be George Cloony or any other perfect guy ?

i don't have the answer but if i had it , i would not have told you
and i don't want to hear anything from anyone , i want to build my own life
people my age are billionaires , and i am here writing a blog that nobody reads , that's the story of my life
so coming back to me being angry , i am always angry because i am powerless and i am surrounded by people who would taunt me when i fail , there is nobody who will motivate me , anyways i don't need motivation , all i want from the people around me is to just shut the fuck up and mind there own business which is a rare thing to find in people these days , because they all are idle doing nothing and killing there time trying to show the other person next to them that he is worthless , this is a mean and crazy world , but if you have something magical like Cloony , people start respecting you , sure there are the critics who are chronically depressed and get paid for thrashing the success of others , but don't you think that the world would be a better place if people started minding there own business

let me make a promise to everyone here , i know nobody is reading but this promise is for real ,
i will strive to be like Cloony even if my hair turn salt and pepper like him
its not an attempt at humor its just me , telling myself that i will try and i will try harder

take care

P.S : Keep reading :)

I hate this place , i despise this race

Do you know the population of India ? its 1,210,193,422 according to the population census in 2011 ,despite being the 2nd most populate country in the world , we don't have a football team who can represent us on the national level , despite being called a developing nation , we don't develop anything , i don't know how are we living , i mean there's people every where , you can't get peace of mind ,anywhere you go , they are everywhere ,and their thoughts they are as primitive and their needs too , just primitive , i don't know why indians won't think out of the box , it not an issue with India only , its everywhere , and i would like to mention that i am not trying to offend anyone ,and i am just expressing my views

okay , so i have been reading or lets say listening to this audio book called the 48 laws of power by Robert green , it really starts to point out the necessity of power in one's life , its amazing how so many people would get dominated and work as slaves when they have so much more potential to be something really great , how they can leave there dreams behind in the name of family , friends ,peers and the people who have not achieved them themselves , but i have comprehended in my 21 years of existence is that we ask advice from people who have not really gone through that rough patch or problem and they tend to advice us completely vaguely which we take for granted because they are more experienced in some way or the other or they are elder to us so they know much better , but i personally feel that approach is incompetent and it eventually takes us to a path of monstrous pain and agony , i just despise that ..who wouldn't ?
life tends to throw a lot of opportunities in our direction , but instead of grabbing a hold of that opportunity we tend to wonder , what would happen ? what should i do ? and usually it ends with you taking advice from someone who is more experienced in your mindset , let me tell you a blunt truth , that person is a hoax and so are his ideas , if you don't grab that opportunity , you are gonna end up in ruins ..

So my advice to everyone out there reading this stupid article is , abandon your elderly advice and focus on what you want , and for those of you who are stuck with something , go and be the best at what you are stuck , keep this in mind , you are a human being of immense potential , we created everything , i am not saying we created the animals or anything , i am not implying that we are walking gods , but all i am saying is that we all have immense potential , to be something larger,better ,to be everything ... all we have to do is go out and be that person ..
start loving your job and be the best at it , if you are still deciding the career of your choice , don't rush into something ,choose the field that you think will make you a better person , something where you can make a change and be the best at it ..because thats what matter , being the BEST

Take Care  

my schizophrenic thoughts

hello folks , if you have been following my blog , i can bet you think i am just insane and a little bit schizophrenic, i would like to share an excerpt from my life , it was the 28th of January last year , when i tried killing myself , i overdosed on sertaline , its a psychotic drug to treat Obsessive compulsive disorder , i had learnt about it when i was a young boy in a organic chemistry class , when they were teaching us the functioning of these things and there mechanisms , to be clear i was not a very bright student and never a very social person , but i thought may be this thing can cure my social anxiety, so i decided to play doctor and went to the drug store and to my surprise i was given the drug over the counter , damn that chemist ..so i started taking the drug and abusing it , it helped me break up with my first girl friend , which didn't go well for me , it tore me apart ,i went to far with the drug , abusing it to win her attention , trying to prove the world that i was better than me , i become violent , things became worse , then the dooms day arrived , the school ended , and i got news that the girl was dating some one else ,another fire in the hole , life was bombarding me with bad things , so one day under the influence of a cocktail of sertaline , nicotine and a lot of booze , i sent an email, whose details will not be mentioned here , but the torpedo hit its target , i had a sense of achievement that day , call me a satanic vengeful person , yes i was one of them , may i am still the same , i still believe that hitting a person won't get you anywhere , but destroying them to their core ,because wounds heal but the damage done to someone's heart will never heal, guess what i had wanted to be an assassin but i don't know where to get enrolled for that , so i have this split personality kind a thing built in me ,where i am very generous and kind and the other side of me can be your worst nightmare ..
coming back to the story , one of my doctor friends told me ,okay this guy is not really a doctor , he is pursuing to be a doctor , just like i am pursuing my degree , but i am not pursuing medicine , he told me after i survived my suicide attempt that the people who have suicidal thoughts , have it because of a very deep reason , he went on and on about a philosophy that begins like this , at the time of conception ,the sperms have a limited life and they tend to kill them self ,if they cannot get to the zygote or the egg, but in some cases when the sperm is about to kill itself , the egg emerges and the conception takes place but the main point is that the thought of killing oneself is always present in their minds ,
so today i was pillion riding this bike with my friend , one honest confession , i don't know how to ride a bike , and i thinking about an accident , about dying about ending it all , i don't know whats wrong with me

Anyways , i will give it a little more thought and write more

Take care  

Random thoughts again

okay, today i went to this shop to buy a couple of suits ,not for me but for a friend of mine ..i was checking out all sorts of expensive blazers and suits for him , then it struck me , the person working there was a man in his mid twenties , he was trying to sell us the suits , he was helping us try them on , then we rejected the current item, he would rush to get us a new one and impress us with it , it was a heart breaking moment when i realized that this person working in this shop on a meager income will never be able to afford these suits or anything expensive there , he is being rejected on a daily basis by a huge number of potential clients and he has to live with it, i realized the life without money is full of rejections , money is like the center of everything these days , you can't go anywhere without money , you can't eat right , you can't get what you want if you don't have a surplus of money , life becomes pathetic , no matter how hard the spiritual gurus and the religion teaches us that money is not everything , i think they are telling us a blunt lie , that we fail to realize , try living a day on just a couple of dollars , then you will understand how hard it is , by the way couple of dollars is a lot of money , if you are living in a developing nation like India ,where most of the people live in poverty and are under nourished , where their daily income is a little more than a quarter of  dollar , these people are surviving , i don't know how ? if you get the answer to it , do let me know ..
i really want to find out , how do they manage it ,are they not humans , the same humans who have built mega cities , built dams , made flying possible , they have the same frontal cortex but why are they not using it , why are they ruining there lives living in poverty , are they lazy ?
are they uninformed ?
are they just plain crazy ? because they must know , there are plenty of options for wealth creation..
Anyways leave it , its just silly of me , thinking about something that deep and something i cannot resolve ..

i have one more thought , it about the education system , i don't understand the idea of learning something partially and then just forgetting it ..i meant to say...mmmm , for example , we learn things just to pass the semester and forget what we had learnt previously , its insane and its driving me crazy ..

if anybody has an answer to that , please feel free to enlighten me

Take care

P.S: keep reading for more insane thoughts 

Random thoughts

today is like any other day, the same old crappy food from the near by mess ..same old hostel friends ..same old missing home , but the entire day i was thinking about something really weird , something that i don't usually do ,thinking about my career ..yesterday my best friend ..lets call him the supreme leader , went to take his IIFT exam, for those of you who don't know IIFT stands for Indian Institute of Foreign Trade , i was excited for him , he came back and told me that he was not prepared for it but he did good .. i took a look at the question paper and started solving it , it was easy real easy if you have some common sense , then i did my research i got to know that there are only 203 seats available in IIFT and its like one of the best places to pursue your mba in India .. off course after the IIMs .. its the real deal folks and the other advantage being its like a stone throw away from my home ..the thing is this time i think i can do it , i felt confident after solving that paper , something which is really rare in my life , you will get to know about me in my other posts, i am not asking you to judge me or anything but i am really serious that i rarely feel good about myself ,so coming back to the story ,i  think i have finally decided to stay at my home after my graduation ,which i am currently pursuing from an undisclosed college in Pune..

may be it will be IIFT or FMS but i want to stay at my home ,my own car to college may be a BMW 320iD , but i want to stay and study on my own terms ,most importantly write my own destiny like i am writing this blog , the funny part is i used to call one of my first girl friend Destiny , she screwed me real bad

P.S : NOT THE WAY YOU PEOPLE ARE THINKING  :P

but yeah she did screw me , but this time i am pretty much sure i will screw destiny pretty bad , i will do

 it on my own terms ..

P.S:By screwing i really mean Screwing :P(in this context only )

anyways , i will write more random stuff when i get the time 

take care 

P.P.S :keep reading